Abbot Letters to Hannah Rantoul

Elizabeth (Abbot) Bowditch to Hannah Rantoul, 17 May 1848

[From Elizabeth in Tarboro, North Carolina, to Hannah in Beverly, not long after the deaths of Elizabeth's father George Abbot in January 1848, her sister Georgiana in childbirth in March 1848, and the family servant Cora in February 1848. She was also nine months pregnant with her daughter Georgiana, born four days later. She describes her grief over the deaths in her family.

Addressed to "Miss Hannah L Rantoul, Beverly, Mass." A separate notation by Hannah says "E. B. A. Bowditch, Tarboro, N. C., May 17th, 1848." Postmarked "TARBOH N. C. May 18." BHS ID# 948.001.1287.]

Tarborough, May 17th, 1848

My dear sister H,

Never have I seated myself me dear kind sister to write you so dull and low-spirited before, and I feel as if you will excuse me for my silence thus far, considering all things. I have not felt as if I could write much excepting home, where I have felt as if a double quantity of letters had been required, to make Ma¹ easy about me & to comfort her all that was possible. Words cannot express to you my gratitude for your kindness, and deep, true, heartfelt sympathy which you have expressed, and which I know to be sincere. Your letters have been treasures to me, and if I could but have been near you in all my trouble, how much comfort & consolation you would have afforded me. But I have been wonderfully sustained, and feel as if I had every thing in the death of my dear father² and sister³ to make me resigned to their departure. But it is a hard thing to give up friends so loved and loving, even if they are anxious and willing to depart.

You know what it is my dear sister, to lose a dear sister that has grown up, & as it were become a part of your very self.⁴ But dear H. a parent's loss is dreadful!! When I parted with Pa I felt as if he would see me, as he expressed it, in one short year, & I could not feel or think that any thing would transpire to prevent it, tho as he expressed himself, "if we are all well & living." He never had been better, or in greater flow of spirits, than he was all summer, and he did appear so happy in having all of us together and seeing us so well, that to look back upon that time seems to much to last.

Dear Ga's marriage and all together so happy is delightful to look back upon. I do not think I can fully realize such a vacancy as there is at home until I visit Beverly once more & see & feel it. I almost dread the stern reality. I almost feel as if it will be more than I can bear, but no it will not, for had I been told that I should have lost three dear friends (for Cora⁵ was almost like one of us, and tho I had met with a much greater loss in Pa's death, I felt & mourned a deal for the faithful girl), I could not have believed I could have borne up under it as I have done.

My chief thoughts have been of Ma, and greatly have I been relieved by her sweet, resigned, calm letters since the sad events. She feels deeply, but differently from what I feared she would. I have always felt when I parted from her that perhaps I should never see her more. She was so unwell in the Spring, and, I have felt, so much broken the four or five last years of her life, that it caused me much uneasiness at all times. The others always so well that although necessarily anxious, very little so compared with her. But she has seen seemingly the most healthy depart & has borne it just as I could have wished. How I have felt as if I wanted to be near her during it all, but it was impossible. Upon hearing of Pa's death, I should have started immediately home, but my situation was such Jo. Henry⁶ feared the shock would be too much for me, and that I did not realize how much a change might effect me.

O! had it been in my power to have seen dear G'a once more! Sometimes I think that my recollection of her now, as she was so happy and bright, makes up for all. Also that of Pa and Cora. I did not see them suffer, and remember them only in health. Poor Charles,⁷ how I do feel for him. G'a was an uncommon girl, and a sweet mother she would have made, & he has written me several times, and feels as if he could not give her up at all, though he is obliged to submit. He sent me a little pin, very neat, with her hair so nicely fixed in it, that reminded me of just the order & particularity that she used always to keep it.

And now my dear H., after having given you a state of my feelings of my own affairs & troubles, do not think I have none left for you. Since your last letter, expressing to me the anxiety you have felt as regards your Mother's⁸ situation, I have felt sorely for you. But as you say, you feel as if she was going to be spared to you a little longer, which you ought to value & be thankful for. I would offer you consolation if it were in my power, but you have it I feel from above. I know you willingly submit to his will. You have much sympathy from me, be assured, for I can feel now what death is.

One word more as regards myself. You no doubt are aware from Ma ere this of my expectations. Therefore you must not expect or think hard of it if this is my last letter for some weeks. I am daily expecting to be sick, though I am up & about attending to affairs as if nothing were to take place.

You must write me. My letters from home, if nothing more, would tell me dear G'a was not there. Ma cannot write often, and I sometimes feel exceedingly anxious. You must be more of a sister to me than ever. I never loved you half so well. Please write me often & say to E. Story⁹ I shall write her on Sunday if I keep well.

Remember me very affectionately to your Father¹⁰ & Mother. I have received papers from your father for which I am very grateful. Give Ma much love from me, & assure her that we all keep well, tho I am expecting daily the measles as it is all over the town.

Nat¹¹ is a treasure to me, & is now hopping about the yard like a bird. He can talk, walk, & play to my satisfaction, and looks much like my dear father. May he continue to become like him every day more & more.

Good bye dear sister. Jo. Henry joins me in much love to all your family, and to yourself you have from both of us as much as you will accept. Again good bye dear sister. E.

 

Copyright Charles Towne. Usage of this work is licensed under Creative Commons BY-NC 4.0
Compiler: Charles Towne

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